Feeling insecure in your relationship can end up consuming a person.
Insecurity shows up in all kinds of ways. You might feel like your partner has checked out, or you might have trouble trusting them to stay faithful. Maybe you feel like your connection is fading and that the foundation of your relationship is not as strong as it once was. Feeling like this can make it really difficult to have much faith in your future together – and can sometimes leave you wondering whether the easiest solution would be to simply end the relationship.
It can also begin to have negatively impact other areas of your life. Your self-esteem and confidence may start to erode and this can make it difficult to properly address any problems. A sense of insecurity in your relationship can stem from a number of different places.
If you and your partner haven’t been communicating effectively about issues, or haven’t been making an effort to maintain your connection, you might start to feel like you’re drifting apart.
Insecurity can also stem from changes in your relationship. Are you newly married, have you recently had a baby, or are you soon to become empty nesters? If you are feeling stressed or under pressure and you aren’t able to talk about these issues together, you may start to feel less confident in your bond and your ability to work as a team.
It can also come from issues surrounding self-image or self-esteem. For example, if you’re feeling particularly low after a series of disappointments in your work life or less happy with your physical appearance after putting on weight, this could make you worry about your relationship.
We can sometimes carry feelings from past relationships into our current one – including those with family members. If we didn’t have very secure or loving relationships with our parents or primary caregivers when we were younger, we might carry this feeling with us as adults. Past romantic relationships where your trust was broken can also make it difficult to trust someone else. You may find yourself looking for patterns of behavior or assuming that history is going to repeat.
If you have tried to address your insecurity with your partner and have not been able to do so, or you feel hurt or angry, it might be a good idea to do some couples/marriage counseling. Getting stuck and getting in each other’s way does not mean there is something wrong with you.
It may just mean your relationship needs a tune up.